Bon Appegeek

As I see it, the problem with nature is that it’s natural. It’s hot, humid, and contains insects. For instance, there’s this shiny black bug that looks like a cross between a spider and a housefly. It twitches, skitters in circles, and jumps on you for fun, but only when you’re on [...]

You’ve probably read about the cookies by now. Perhaps you have questions.
Should I?
Yes.
When?
Now.
How many?
As many as possible. You know how many Cookie Monster might bake? Like, double that.
Eaten with what?
Are you a commie? Everybody knows that you eat chocolate chip cookies with ice-cold milk. Cow is traditional, but yak, goat, [...]

My very first post two years ago featured mulberries. I had hoped to make Jeffrey Steingarten’s mulberry granita recipe last year to celebrate my first blogiversary, but a freak late spring frost scared all the budding mulberries off. This year the berries were a good two weeks late for my second blogiversary. [...]

I’ve met people who eat chocolate every day, survive on chocolate when depressed, and smoke chocolate after sex. You know those people. Perhaps you are one. Well, not me, I’m stronger than that. Chocolate can’t take me on its own—it takes two to take me down. Caramel plus chocolate works. [...]

This post started as a serious essay on the cult of health among Asians, Koreans especially. After some research, I decided it would be better as an essay on endangered plants like wild ginseng that have been harvested to near extinction by overzealous Asians obsessed with the supposed health benefits. People like my [...]

I have cake head. It’s like bed head, except bed head is a huge bald spot flanked by two cowlicks and accompanied by a sleepy look in the eye whereas cake head is a crazed look in the eye flanked by crumb-filled hair and accompanied by the permanent aroma of vanilla. The cure [...]

When I was a child, the old Willy Wonka movie fueled fantasies about candy teacups, lickable walls, and chocolate waterfalls. That movie probably helped thousands of dentists buy Rolexes. Good for them. My obsession with sweets faded, but the sight of big candy, cool candy, and lots of candy still reminds me [...]

I have a friend who loves to watch movies and exhorts me to watch them too, adding lots of helpful advice such as, “Make sure that when you see the handkerchief you realize it’s a symbol for the war ’cause I didn’t know that and was confused when the carnie ate the turducken, and at [...]

My 33rd birthday is coming up. A few weeks ago my mother, a salt & pepper-haired woman fast approaching her 60s, looked at my hair and said, “You have as much white hair as I do.”
“WHAT?”
“In the back there, I see a lot of white hairs.”
“NO YOU DON’T.”
“Yes I—”
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO TELL YOUR DARLING [...]

I made my first pie crust at the tender age of 14 armed with a local church cookbook, a rolling pin, and a stick of margarine. Yes, margarine. Did I mention that I was 14? My dough, instead of becoming a circle, become California, Texas, and at the worst point, both halves [...]

I have a little anglophile in me left over from my childhood when I thought that royalty equaled dignity and that princesses remained happy. Those beliefs faded…for some reason…but enough remained to fuel a romantic attraction to the craggy scone. Just looking at one made me think of fog, castles, and totally cool [...]

Fort Wayne, a city tucked between Amish country and Ohio in northeast Indiana, may not seem like a mouth-watering town, but every place has its treasures. Consider the hot potato wedges tossed in Old Bay seasoning and served with a side of thick tzatziki at Munchies. The best French toast I ever had [...]

My cousin left her family’s farm in rural South Korea (motto: modern plumbing, schmodern plumbing) more than two decades ago to live with our family in Illinois. My mom likes to tell everybody the story about how my fresh-off-the-boat cousin couldn’t figure out how to open the car door and ended up stuck in [...]

I loves my booze. Funny thing, since I don’t drink. I’m one of those unfortunate Asians who lacks the necessary chemistry to break down alcohol. A few bouts of heavy drinking in college gave me crippling back pain, lobster complexion, and no sense of euphoria whatsoever. That’s a drag when you [...]