How pasta-draped nudity can feed the world.

Menu for Hope IIIThe Menu For Hope III raffle campaign has officially surpassed last year’s total! There’s still time to play, so please consider donating to feed the hungry and maybe win stuff. It’s way more fun than buying a lottery ticket at the gas station where you have to hang out with warty people buying cigarettes. Here you get to look at gourmet food packages and help starving people. So what are you waiting for?

Yesterday I carefully looked over Bon Appegeek’s pasta maker package (UC05), polished it up, then lovingly packaged it to send it out to one lucky winner. Free bonus prize: bubble wrap. Everybody loves bubble wrap. Except the bubbles. Then I discovered a…well let’s not call it a problem. Let’s call it an opportunity. This was the original package list (U.S. and Canadian shipping only):

· Shiny new Atlas Marcato 150 Italian pasta maker
· OXO 1.5-inch pastry brush to clean it (not shiny, sorry)
· Pair of shiny stainless steel pasta serving forks
· Shiny pastry crimper to make your ravioli squiggly cool

Pasta nudityAdd to that list one more item:

· Free Marcato Pasta & Wellness booklet with a cover featuring a naked and possibly Italian woman wearing a pasta scarf (alluring streaks of sunlight not included).

Somehow her bits, I mean that bit, escaped my notice before. If you’ve already bought a ticket for the pasta maker, I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with naked pasta lady if you win. If you have not bought a ticket for this item, well, look at what you get! You can frame it and proudly tell people that you entered a hunger charity raffle and won this picture of a naked woman wearing a pasta scarf! For those who love to entertain, this is the ultimate conversation piece. You’ll be even more popular than if you’d won a glowing fishnet stocking leg lamp with fringed shade. The only potential downside is a jealous significant other, but even there you’re not alone. Add this to the package too:

· Free moral support e-mail from Annie in case of domestic strife as a result of photograph of naked woman wearing pasta scarf. Limit one. Offer expires December 31, 2007. Warning: E-mail support may worsen situation. Leave me out of it. No, I will not take temporary custody of the children until it blows over. Your partner has unreasonable insecurity issues about naked pasta models and could use some counseling. If probably wouldn’t hurt if you reassured your partner of your partner’s attractiveness now and then. In fact, both of you should get some counseling. Leave the kids with Aunt Betty.

By now I’m sure some of you are wondering if I feel shame for pimping pasta porn and destroying marriages to feed the hungry. Not really. Mostly I feel an urge to make pasta, now more than ever. Don’t you? Admit it. You’ve always wanted a pasta skirt or maybe a pasta kilt, you just didn’t know it until now. Think of how satiny the dough would feel against your bare skin. And unlike frying bacon, making pasta is apparently a clothing-optional activity (at least until you finish that pasta Prada blouse with orecchiette buttons). Does Mario Batali know about this? Is that what Jamie Oliver really meant? The public has a right to know.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go double-check the materials that came with my new meat grinder.

6 thoughts on “How pasta-draped nudity can feed the world.

  1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Pasta Porn. Nothing whatsoever. Pimp away.

    Hooray to pasta porn. Hooray to you.

    Hooray to Menu for Hope bloggers and donors everywhere.

    hip hip,

  2. Pim: Thanks for approving of Pasta Porn! And big congratulations to you for organizing such a success. I’m proud to play my filthy part.

    Jesska: You shouldn’t encourage me. :p

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